thinking, thinking, thinking
My boyfriend would always tell me that I love to analyze everything. I think there is some truth to that statement. Here I am, thinking about soooo many things again. Analyzing every situation - past, present, future - I just can't seem to stop.
I have been praying the past weeks for discernment about decisions that I need to make. I am happy but there are times when I just feel helpless and sad. So many things going through my mind. Can I make it? Is it worth it? I realize once again that it is so damn hard being an adult, and a responsible one, at that. Why do I carry the responsibility of deciding about what I want to happen in my life? Sometimes, I long for the days of my childhood, when all I have to do is look at my mom and she makes the decisions. Then all I have to do is follow and trust that what has been decided will work out. Or sometimes, I long for my college years, back when all I had to worry about were class schedules, teachers, orgs, and the student council. But I don't have the power to turn back time. Oh, how I wish....
But am I complaining? I don't know. I have so many good things going on in my life. Good education, good friends, good (crazy) family, good job, and finally, a good man who I know will take care of me. Oh, I don't know. I just feel tired and burdened and I feel pressured. I just want to sleep and wake up five years later. I just want to hide away.
So, dear friends, please pray for me that I make good decisions in my life. Decisions that God would approve of. I'm just blessed that I have my Pangga who's always supporting me, taking care of me, making me laugh, and showing me everyday, every minute, that I am special. Oh, thank you Lord!
Hmmm....there is hope.