It's almost 5am and I'm still up.
I'm actually watching the progress of my downloads. Haha. Loser.
As what Bailey said in "The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants", there's a loser in each one of us.
It's not so bad after all (",)
Good morning, everyone. Let's rock.
I wonder what's for breakfast?
home sweet home
Manila, get ready!!! I'm coming home tomorrow. Vacation's over and I'm back to the real world, back to my realities.
Thank you , Tegs! Twas lots of fun spending time with you. I especially enjoyed Spring Break 2005 (read: Womad - The Sri Lanka Festival of Drums). I have got to find that picture with the Jamaican guy!
And I must say. That whirlwind romance thing is something to look forward to, right Tegs?
the morning after
I'm having a blast but I'm just so tired from all the walking around. My feet hurt. And I'm sleepy all the time! Aaarrgggh...
I received this text message: "It was great seeing you again. Even if the only chance we had was to meet thousands of miles away from home." Funny that I saw him here of all places. And we don't see each other in the Philippines at all!
And so it's true. It's a small world after all.
in transit
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I love wireless internet connection. Here I am at Changi Airport and I'm actually blogging!
Love this high tech world!
Unfortunately, I checked my emails too and got all bummed because of some messages I read. Oh well.
I love my compaq. I love wifi. I love bluetooth.
Coffee and internet - a sure match!
stepping out
We laughed
Until we had to cry
And we loved
Right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we'll ever be
Just you and me
For just a moment
We chased
That dream we never found
And sometimes
We let one another down
But the love we made
Made everything alright
We shone so bright
For just a moment
Time goes on
People touch and then they're gone
And you and I
Will never love again
Like we did then
Allan is back in the States. The last party was held in Inihaw Republic along Katipunan Extension in Quezon City last Tuesday. I feel sad to see him go. But the pictures are here to remind us (hahaha). And he'll be back, I'm sure.
Sometimes, we tend to step out from our realities to face the things that we have been ignoring all this time. I did just that. And I have realized that hey, things are just as I imagined. That things are okay. I guess I was just scared of the uncertainties the situation presents. But I felt sad. I am only human, after all.
I know I am not making much sense right now. My head hurts and I feel so tired. September's here. And soon enough, it's Christmas once again. My first Christmas. This year is full of surprises. Nothing shocks me anymore.
I spoke with Teresa last night. Very cute, witty, and sweet 5-year old. I love her. Mental note: get her that pasalubong =)
Someday, when we both reminisce
We'll both say
There wasn't too much we missed
And through the tears
We'll smile when we recall
We had it all
For just a moment
Maybe I don't need to step out anymore. Maybe it was my reality after all.
I just can't say.
Until we had to cry
And we loved
Right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we'll ever be
Just you and me
For just a moment
We chased
That dream we never found
And sometimes
We let one another down
But the love we made
Made everything alright
We shone so bright
For just a moment
Time goes on
People touch and then they're gone
And you and I
Will never love again
Like we did then
Allan is back in the States. The last party was held in Inihaw Republic along Katipunan Extension in Quezon City last Tuesday. I feel sad to see him go. But the pictures are here to remind us (hahaha). And he'll be back, I'm sure.
Sometimes, we tend to step out from our realities to face the things that we have been ignoring all this time. I did just that. And I have realized that hey, things are just as I imagined. That things are okay. I guess I was just scared of the uncertainties the situation presents. But I felt sad. I am only human, after all.
I know I am not making much sense right now. My head hurts and I feel so tired. September's here. And soon enough, it's Christmas once again. My first Christmas. This year is full of surprises. Nothing shocks me anymore.
I spoke with Teresa last night. Very cute, witty, and sweet 5-year old. I love her. Mental note: get her that pasalubong =)
Someday, when we both reminisce
We'll both say
There wasn't too much we missed
And through the tears
We'll smile when we recall
We had it all
For just a moment
Maybe I don't need to step out anymore. Maybe it was my reality after all.
I just can't say.
rock, orchestra, and death
Finally, here are the photos from last Friday's Rockestra @ the Folk Arts Theater. I just realized that this was the last time I saw Wilfrid too. I only met him a couple of times through common friends. Never watched any of his gigs though. Haven't been really part of the "music circle" for some time now.
When death is experienced, we end up having a lot of realizations about our status in life. Wake up call, if you may call it that.
Life is too short for us to just sit around and wait for things to happen. Let's not waste time.
How to Stay Young:
1) Throw out the non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2) Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)
3) Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle.
4) Enjoy the simple things.
5) Laugh often, long, and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him/her. (memories, memories.... bingo!)
6) Let the tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
7) Surround yourself with what you love.
8) Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9) Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10) Tell the people you love that you love them, at EVERY opportunity. ( i love you, whoever's reading this...hahaha)
Happy living everyone!
thinking of YQMS
And once again, I got to the office by 6am. I feel so energized. I love mornings! Good morning everyone! (hahaha)
I'm 80% done with my Patron Tequila presentation. Another hour and I'm finished. Maybe I should take the day off - pass by Mt. Carmel and have a little chat with Papa. It's been a while since I visited his urn. Yesterday was his 5th year death anniversary. And in memory of him, I am reposting an entry that I submitted 5 years ago to peyups.
I went to Pampanga earlier today, for work, as usual. On my way home, ang dami ko talagang naisip... nagmuni-muni ako, in short...
It's funny how life makes its twists and turns. One minute you are very content with things happening in your life and then the next minute... WHAM! You just don't see sad things coming. It just hits you right in the face... swak kung baga.
I have never really lost anyone important. A distant lolo or lola perhaps, but definitely not someone whom I have shared significant moments with; not someone who has been a really big part of my life; not someone who holds a special place in my heart.
It's sad that people must die and leave behind those who love them. But then again, it's sad that living people go on with their lives as if they are dead. Do you get my drift?
This is turning out to be a really long e-mail. Gotta rush this cause I only have a couple of minutes left...
I lost someone special today. I lost the person whom I share my birthday with. Imagine, parehong June 11 ang birthday namin.
I lost my dad today. He finally succumbed to his illnesses -- diabetes, kidney failure, heart failure, etc.
I miss him already. You guys know my life story...
Please pray for me. My sister, my bros, and I will be going to the wake tomorrow. Sana, tanggapin naman kami ng maayos ng wife niya. Mahirap talaga ang buhay pag hindi ka part ng "original" family. I'm scared... but i'm DETERMINED to go there... daddy ko yun ha!
I lost someone special today... but in a sense, I am happy because I know that he is safe in God's loving arms.
I am yet to accomplish so many things in my life. And all those things, I guess, I would dedicate to my dad, one of the greatest doctors in the world... and the greatest father in the world.
Naiiyak ako...
(This was an e-mail that the author sent to her friends last August 16, 2000, the day her father died. )
I think I will take the day off.
I'm 80% done with my Patron Tequila presentation. Another hour and I'm finished. Maybe I should take the day off - pass by Mt. Carmel and have a little chat with Papa. It's been a while since I visited his urn. Yesterday was his 5th year death anniversary. And in memory of him, I am reposting an entry that I submitted 5 years ago to peyups.
I went to Pampanga earlier today, for work, as usual. On my way home, ang dami ko talagang naisip... nagmuni-muni ako, in short...
It's funny how life makes its twists and turns. One minute you are very content with things happening in your life and then the next minute... WHAM! You just don't see sad things coming. It just hits you right in the face... swak kung baga.
I have never really lost anyone important. A distant lolo or lola perhaps, but definitely not someone whom I have shared significant moments with; not someone who has been a really big part of my life; not someone who holds a special place in my heart.
It's sad that people must die and leave behind those who love them. But then again, it's sad that living people go on with their lives as if they are dead. Do you get my drift?
This is turning out to be a really long e-mail. Gotta rush this cause I only have a couple of minutes left...
I lost someone special today. I lost the person whom I share my birthday with. Imagine, parehong June 11 ang birthday namin.
I lost my dad today. He finally succumbed to his illnesses -- diabetes, kidney failure, heart failure, etc.
I miss him already. You guys know my life story...
Please pray for me. My sister, my bros, and I will be going to the wake tomorrow. Sana, tanggapin naman kami ng maayos ng wife niya. Mahirap talaga ang buhay pag hindi ka part ng "original" family. I'm scared... but i'm DETERMINED to go there... daddy ko yun ha!
I lost someone special today... but in a sense, I am happy because I know that he is safe in God's loving arms.
I am yet to accomplish so many things in my life. And all those things, I guess, I would dedicate to my dad, one of the greatest doctors in the world... and the greatest father in the world.
Naiiyak ako...
(This was an e-mail that the author sent to her friends last August 16, 2000, the day her father died. )
I think I will take the day off.
early morning musings
I can't believe I'm here in the office. I woke up really early, feeling refreshed surprisingly.
It's going to be a beautiful day, I just know it.
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. Last night, I got a call from a friend. He was feeling really down. I don't know what happened. Most likely, relationship issues. He kept on and on telling me that I wasn't there when he needed me. Apparently, when he was asking me out last friday, he wanted to confide in me. But I told him I was too tired to go out. Sometimes, people have to be told when they are needed. I didn't even sense that he was having problems that day. I was physically and mentally tired from the long week of work and play.
I'm sorry if you felt that I wasn't there for you. Know that God is always there, He will give you rest.
Oh, and know that I'm here for you too.
It's going to be a beautiful day, I just know it.
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. Last night, I got a call from a friend. He was feeling really down. I don't know what happened. Most likely, relationship issues. He kept on and on telling me that I wasn't there when he needed me. Apparently, when he was asking me out last friday, he wanted to confide in me. But I told him I was too tired to go out. Sometimes, people have to be told when they are needed. I didn't even sense that he was having problems that day. I was physically and mentally tired from the long week of work and play.
I'm sorry if you felt that I wasn't there for you. Know that God is always there, He will give you rest.
Oh, and know that I'm here for you too.
of radishes and love
My sister brought home a DVD of "the truth about love". Laugh trip. Very funny. Corny funny but I actually liked it!
"I couldn't stand the fact that you hadn't chosen me for your affair"
"take me home and radish me!"
any volunteers? ;)
twenty-something
Another fun gimmick last night with the old group. Bad vibes everywhere (wink*wink)! Got home at 5am. We'll be seeing each other again tonight, rest day for everyone this weekend because Allan's off to Bora with his family. Monday is Nina's birthday, then gimmick again with the gang from Tuesday to Thursday. Allan leaves for Houston on August 22. I swear, I'm too old for this.
He found the love of his life.
So many realizations went through my mind. I just hope that he understood -- that everything is forgiven. He will always have a special place in my heart. After this, I haven't got a clue what's going to happen next. That's why I was so scared last night. Hearing all those things. I really, really pray that he understood -- then and now. I will always look back on those days (and this day) and think fondly of him. He taught me a lot. He made me feel special and loved - in a way that no person has made me feel. And I will always be thankful for that. And I will always remember the girl that I was with him.
So I guess, by writing all these thoughts down, I have reached a decision. Life is good. I thank God for you, for our friends, for your love and friendship. I hope we find a way to be really and truly happy. I hope we both find what we are looking for.
No regrets. Happiness always.
"Hey, I'm so sorry
that it didn't work the way
that we'd always planned
Hey, I'm so sorry
that you went away
and somehow didn't understand
We pretended for so many years, but now
its time to wash away my tears
And it's all behind us now
Cause we've learned to live somehow without each other
And its easy to see, it ain't never
gonna be the same again..."
He found the love of his life.
So many realizations went through my mind. I just hope that he understood -- that everything is forgiven. He will always have a special place in my heart. After this, I haven't got a clue what's going to happen next. That's why I was so scared last night. Hearing all those things. I really, really pray that he understood -- then and now. I will always look back on those days (and this day) and think fondly of him. He taught me a lot. He made me feel special and loved - in a way that no person has made me feel. And I will always be thankful for that. And I will always remember the girl that I was with him.
So I guess, by writing all these thoughts down, I have reached a decision. Life is good. I thank God for you, for our friends, for your love and friendship. I hope we find a way to be really and truly happy. I hope we both find what we are looking for.
No regrets. Happiness always.
"Hey, I'm so sorry
that it didn't work the way
that we'd always planned
Hey, I'm so sorry
that you went away
and somehow didn't understand
We pretended for so many years, but now
its time to wash away my tears
And it's all behind us now
Cause we've learned to live somehow without each other
And its easy to see, it ain't never
gonna be the same again..."
blast from the past
Met up with my friends from the past (read: highschool). It felt soooo good hanging out with them again! I realized that I have been missing out on all the fun. And it was so nice being with everyone again, catching up, talking, laughing, and this time -- drinking! =) To all the LSGH boys, i'm back! Let's paint the town red! Nice to see you again, Allan-tot!
"Not for the first time I look back on all those years
Not for the last time names will ring in my ear
When there was just a gang of us
Storming the town by train and bus
A moment of thought this heart sends
to old friends..."
thinking about yesterday
I seriously don't know how to start this entry. Maybe I should just start by writing down how I feel.
I'm depressed. And I hope this won't last the whole day.
I suddenly remember one of my favorite movies. With Honors -- that movie was a hit back in my highschool days. I have always loved the characters of Moira Kelly (Courtney) and Brendan Fraser (Monty). Just something I remembered. Or maybe something I'm remembering now because I saw HIM.
I have always believed in seizing the moment, carpe diem, not letting moments just pass you by. I have always believed that life is too short for people to have regrets. I have always believed that we should make the most out of every situation, every opportunity that we have. I have always believed that I do not have regrets in my life. But today, I felt it. I felt regret.
I just came from the hospital. I visited a friend who gave birth. While hanging out in her room, I remembered HIM. So i texted him. And surprise, surprise! He was on duty! He dropped by the room, we chatted for a while, then it was over.
Ours is no love story. We never had a chance to be together. We met each other in highschool. Then from there, moved on to different lives. Everytime I reminisce about those days, his face would always pop in my mind. I actually found it funny, that we never got together. It was a matter of wrong timing. It was either he had someone, or I had someone else. The one chance that we had of getting together, I backed out. Thinking that I was still too young. Thinking about it now, I should have taken more risks. Regrets again.
Until two years ago when a friend and I visited him in another hospital in Quezon City, I knew nothing about him anymore. I was even in a bit of a hurry then, because I had to get back to Ortigas to meet up with some friends in 90 Proof. The visit lasted for not more than an hour. I was just happy to know that he's okay, catching up a little bit about his life and my life. Maybe I wasn't tuned in to my feelings about him at that time because I had a boyfriend then.But I did feel a twinge of sadness. I remember that images went through my mind, images and scenarios of what might have been had we been truthful to each other about how we really feel. Then I just shrugged it off. Little did I know --that was my first encounter with regret.
When we said our goodbyes earlier, a great wave of sadness came over me. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled at him and did the same. He reached out for my hand and held it for a few seconds. Then he was gone. I wanted to go after him and tell him so many things. I wanted to ask him if he still remembers. But I didn't. I couldn't. I held back.
I can choose to call him "the one who got away" and live with these regrets. Or I can choose to put an end to the endless "what if" questions going through my mind. I don't really know what I want to do.
I just hope that once I decide, I won't regret my decision.
"Today when I saw you
I knew it was just like the first time
When you met my eyes I came close
And I felt like the first time
To hold back my fear
and feel you so near
I’ve never been this far before
To hold back my fear
and feel you so near
I’m scared of falling into deep this time
Do I need a reason to tell you why
I’m singing you this song
Do I need a reason to show you that
I know where I belong..."
party, party
happy birthday katie, matthew, and alan! let's drink and be merry!
oh, if you guys aren't doing anything fun tonight, drop by PHI BAR in Metrowalk. My first event! =) Free samples of Hpnotiq on me! see yah!
peanut sized brains and SFC
I attended the Singles' For Christ Metro Manila Leaders' Conference (SFC-MMLC) last weekend in Subic! Surprisingly, I really had fun. Met up with some old friends and made some new friends! And I just have to say...I like ostriches! They may be stupid, but hey, they're pretty cool! =)
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